Brandon and I were cleaning out our office together this past weekend and came across a brief case bag that my mom gave me when I graduated college. It was a really nice, black bag that looked like a bigger version of the purse I had at the time. I remember getting it and thinking it was perfect. It came with a day planner (from my uncle) and a fancy engraven pen (from my little brother). I remember getting it, but I didn't put it to much use. I had Melanie exactly a year after I graduated and had to bring my pump, among other things, to and from work, making the bag a little too much for me.
On Saturday, Brandon picks up the bag and says "This is from the Career Woman Camille time period". I looked up at him with a question mark on my face because I honestly didn't know what he was talking about. Of course I asked him what he meant, and he said that I was the career woman. I was going to take the world over. I told him he was making it up, and he told me that I use to say that I'd never be a stay at home mom, and that I would always work. And then I remembered it. He was right!
When I met Brandon, I told him I wasn't going to get married until I was 28. I wanted to be done with school and have established my career before I got married... 6 weeks later we were engaged and 3 months later we were married. But he was right about my focus on my career. I had it in my head that I would never be able to be a stay at home mom. That would just never be enough for me.
The second I held Melanie in my arms, it all changed. I didn't ever want to go back to work. But alas, I had to, and eventually career Camille was back. Being laid off and being home with her for those weeks before I went to work at NFra is what I think finally fixed me of that forever. I loved my job at Nfra. The people are wonderful there, and I will always appreciate the opportunity they gave me, and especially when I needed it so much (I was supporting the family). Having said that, I went to work every day missing my little girl. I HATED the feeling that someone else was raising her, and eventually them (when Noelle was added to the mix).
Looking back, I don't regret getting my degree. I have fought those feelings, because there was a time that I felt guilty for all the time and money I had felt was wasted if I wasn't using it. I may not be designing irrigation, roads, drainage, or whatever, but my degree is definitely not being wasted at home. Now, I am just so grateful that I can stay home with my kids. Do I enjoy every minute of every day, not really. Is it the easiest job in the world, heck no. But would I take it back, never. I love my children so much. I love being mom, at home, little crazy, with a messy house, giggling, etc. I want my children to know that I may have given up my "career Camille" status, but it was because they were worth it.
*As a side note, I do put "civil engineer - but at home with my kids" on occupation on doctors forms. I know it doesn't matter to them, but I just can't help it.
P.S. It's a good thing Brandon has patience and a sense of humor. ;)
P.S.S. I am in no way trying to make any working moms feel guilty. I have been a working mom when I had to be, and I understand the crazy balance perfectly. I just wanted to get my thoughts out.
For our family day, we headed to the Goldfield Mine and Ghost Town. We started out by just walking around and checking everything out. The Ghost Town was like a true ghost town... apparently no one shows up until around 10.
