Random thought...

Brandon and I were cleaning out our office together this past weekend and came across a brief case bag that my mom gave me when I graduated college. It was a really nice, black bag that looked like a bigger version of the purse I had at the time. I remember getting it and thinking it was perfect. It came with a day planner (from my uncle) and a fancy engraven pen (from my little brother). I remember getting it, but I didn't put it to much use. I had Melanie exactly a year after I graduated and had to bring my pump, among other things, to and from work, making the bag a little too much for me.

On Saturday, Brandon picks up the bag and says "This is from the Career Woman Camille time period". I looked up at him with a question mark on my face because I honestly didn't know what he was talking about. Of course I asked him what he meant, and he said that I was the career woman. I was going to take the world over. I told him he was making it up, and he told me that I use to say that I'd never be a stay at home mom, and that I would always work. And then I remembered it. He was right!

When I met Brandon, I told him I wasn't going to get married until I was 28. I wanted to be done with school and have established my career before I got married... 6 weeks later we were engaged and 3 months later we were married. But he was right about my focus on my career. I had it in my head that I would never be able to be a stay at home mom. That would just never be enough for me.

The second I held Melanie in my arms, it all changed. I didn't ever want to go back to work. But alas, I had to, and eventually career Camille was back. Being laid off and being home with her for those weeks before I went to work at NFra is what I think finally fixed me of that forever. I loved my job at Nfra. The people are wonderful there, and I will always appreciate the opportunity they gave me, and especially when I needed it so much (I was supporting the family). Having said that, I went to work every day missing my little girl. I HATED the feeling that someone else was raising her, and eventually them (when Noelle was added to the mix).

Looking back, I don't regret getting my degree. I have fought those feelings, because there was a time that I felt guilty for all the time and money I had felt was wasted if I wasn't using it. I may not be designing irrigation, roads, drainage, or whatever, but my degree is definitely not being wasted at home. Now, I am just so grateful that I can stay home with my kids. Do I enjoy every minute of every day, not really. Is it the easiest job in the world, heck no. But would I take it back, never. I love my children so much. I love being mom, at home, little crazy, with a messy house, giggling, etc. I want my children to know that I may have given up my "career Camille" status, but it was because they were worth it.

*As a side note, I do put "civil engineer - but at home with my kids" on occupation on doctors forms. I know it doesn't matter to them, but I just can't help it.

P.S. It's a good thing Brandon has patience and a sense of humor. ;)

P.S.S. I am in no way trying to make any working moms feel guilty. I have been a working mom when I had to be, and I understand the crazy balance perfectly. I just wanted to get my thoughts out.